It’s incredible what you find in your archives…

I came across a note book that I kept when suffering with bulimia. Unless you have had an addiction or suffered with a mental health condition that has you feeling ‘trapped’ it can be very difficult to understand what it is all about.

But when you read the desperate words, poems and outbursts such as those found in my book, it takes you right back to those dark times. It saddens me that others may be in the same destructive loop hole. And let’s face it – the numbers are massively on the rise.
I wrote a poem about how I felt I was grieving yet ‘no one had died.’ I believe that I may have been grieving the security, the love and the aspirations of my childhood. Becoming an adult was a huge reality check.

My parents divorced, people died and I wasn’t soaring through life in the way that teachers had me anticipating that I would be. Life was, in my words at the time, a ‘huge disappointment.’

I do believe this is the curse of newer generations. Schools, peers and parents have us so geared up for these amazing futures, that there is such little focus on enjoying life and seeking enjoyment from the now. It is something that I will take on board during my journey as a parent. Mindfulness should start at any and every age.
If you are suffering, struggling or in any way scared. Talk, seek professional help and don’t give up. It will get better.

I’m grieving yet no one has died,
I’m searching but for what I am non the wise.
I’m hurting, but the cause is unclear,
All I know is inside I harbor much fear.

I’m grieving, but who or what I do not know,
I am searching but why does not even show.
I’m hurting with a pain so intense that it throbs,
All my eyes think to do is to cry silent sobs.

#life #mentalhealth #wellness #happiness #poetry #mydubai #mindfulness #writing #medicine #journey