Breast is best…but ultimately just feed your children.
Happy breast feeding week from a woman who failed to breastfeed.
I was adamant I was going to breast feed. Why wouldn’t it? It’s benefits are undisputed. It alters it’s consistency to adjust to the babies needs, it helps a women lose her baby weight (and I had plenty), it supports bonding, offers significant immunological benefits and doesn’t affect a babies digestive system as much as formula. Win win.
I refused to buy ‘back up’ bottles as my mum suggested. ‘Why would I need those mum?’
Only within an hour of the boys being born, their sleepy premature state meant the midwives has already reached for one of their formula stock to support their low blood sugars. They soon realised that a bottle was a much more convenient option than working to get it from mum.
I tried constantly to feed them naturally. Yet they either fell asleep within seconds of trying or showed no interest to latch on. I spoke with multiple midwives, breast feeding specialists and friends, yet nothing provided a break through.
Eventually my midwife suggested I stop trying. If it hadn’t happened by now she said, it was unlikely to happen at all. Initially I continued to express. At least it was providing some of my own milk to them, even if via a bottle and mixed with formula.
However at 7 weeks, I’d had enough. Every item of clothing was covered in milk, I was bleeding heavily still, effectively working a 24 hour shift with newborn twins who refused to sleep at the same time and largely living on the convenience of cornflakes. Expressing was proving intolerable. I would sit and try to express whilst the boys cried. Yet stop, untangle myself and soothe them, to have the same thing happen 5 minutes later when I was back to being hooked up to my milking machine.
I was done.
I felt guilt for not providing the best start in life for my children. I felt judged when I reached for my formula in public and I felt disappointed in myself for ultimately failing.
Turns out I am not alone. I cannot count how many women do not succeed with breast feeding, despite their efforts. They are subject to negative and hurtful comments from onlookers and those that judge them for their decision or need to feed their babies formula.
There is no doubt; breast is best. It should absolutely be encouraged to new mums as the premium option for neonatal feeding.
However, for a whole magnitude of reasons, it isn’t for everyone. So let’s not judge those who have their reasons for not engaging with it.
Previous Post