Addications – the deadly but reliable friend.

I had posted an anorexia to arm curl update but this had to be taken down secondary to my legal advisor!
So today, an alternative topic until I can re-record… Addictions.

So often I hear people moaning about their friend, their family member who wont ‘sort themselves out’ or a girl from university who just could not get it together. Because dealing with an addiction is just that simple. Just sort it out…Why wont they just sort it out?

Only suffering with an addiction is an incredibly lonely place. During times of sadness, guilt, pain, no matter how trivial, you turn to a source of comfort – potentially your only source of comfort. Whether it be smoking, alcohol drugs or food. A cuddle or hug in the size of which ever your addiction you have chosen.

Only, despite the addiction being driven by pain, sadness and desperation, your friends judge you, get exasperated, they may even get angry with you driving you deeper in to the addiction.

Pease read ‘Friend’ below and have a little more time for those who you may have formerly judged. it is a little poetic even by my standards, but the message remains.

Humans are complex characters and we are on the edge of a mental health epidemic. Potentially understanding why people struggle may help us to help someone else or even help ourselves in the future.


Have you ever had a friend that you have hated? Loathed and despised? Yet chosen to indulge in their time? You know them, they feel safe yet are dangerous, and being with them prevents you from being totally alone. They’re a friend you don’t think you can survive without, and yet you certainly can’t survive with. They are always there. Reliable and available whenever you choose to call. Yes with this friend, you need never be alone again.


With time for pain and feeling to lurk from behind the walls of safer boundaries that you have created.

Your friend guards them away, dampens their arrival and eases their sting. She soothes and cares, tells you not to worry, not to feel that pain.

Momentarily she becomes your best friend. You intertwine yourself with her and absorb her warmth. Lost in comfort and protection from the outside world.

But realisation tip toes. Physical pain shoots and suffocation of feeling consumes. You remember why you hate her. Everything is worse now than it was before and the cheap exchange of her time for some time with yourself and feelings, however painful, seems worthless and ill thought through. Shame, embarrassment and desperation paves you in and prevents escape.

You discard her.
You hate her.
You loathe and despise her.

But you can’t cope with this feeling alone. And you do now feel so desperately alone.

She’s remorseful and twinkles a playful light.

A light thats warm and again comforting. ‘Don’t be alone.” she says. ‘Don’t be alone.”

Baby steps towards her, a path created away from the walls of shame and disgust. Your friend is not judgemental and does not care the state in which you arrive. Enticing and exciting your walk progresses in to a run. Embracing your friend with vigour and thanking her for support.

You know how this will end, you remember already that she is dangerous. Whirlwind after whirlwind in a downward spiral of destruction and despair. The inviting, reliable but deadly friend takes you in again and again.

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